Let Them

From  FB

Are you familiar with the “Let Them” theory?  

I’ll tell you the more I grow the more I am okay with accepting the “Let Them” in my own life and relationships. Even family can mistreat and disrespect you.  

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected.  

Let them be upset.

Let them judge you.

Let them misunderstand you. 

Let them gossip about you,

Let them ignore you.

Let them be "right."

Let them doubt you.

Let them not like you.

Let them not speak to you.

Let them run your name in the ground.

Let them make you out to be the villain.

Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them! 

Kindly step aside and LET THEM.

The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. They just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. They did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel. 

The end. 

Let them go. 

There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go. 

Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go. 

You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go. 

You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go. 

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me.  

If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people. 

Don’t you dare let them steal your joy. 

Don’t you dare let them steal your light. 

Don’t you dare let them steal your peace. 

You are in control of that. 

Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.

Let them go.   

        🫶🏻

Communicate

From FB

If you want a relationship to work, you HAVE to communicate!

That means communicating in an emotionally mature way with respect, honesty, kindness, and empathy. 

But communication is also about choosing to be present, and not absent...

Because you can't build trust with someone who's simply not there, and without trust you can't feel safe to openly communicate how you feel.

It's about acknowledging and respecting how the other person feels as much as it is about expressing how you feel.

It's about working through what you need to work through TOGETHER, so that you can grow together!

Communication isn't about confrontation, it's about how you respectfully work together as a team and genuinely have one another's backs

It's about honesty, integrity, and respect through the trust that is built through your communication.

Because without communication you don't have trust, and without trust there's no room for a journey forward 

Grace

From FB:

There’s a massive difference between giving someone grace and giving and giving and giving to a friendship that isn’t reciprocal. I’m not sure enough of us fully understand the distinction, and it’s really important. Really, really, really important. 

Grace says “I understand. I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I’m not holding this over your head even though I could. I choose compassion, peace and love over hostility, judgement and hate. I make mistakes too. I mess up as well. My heart remains full of goodwill towards you.” 

Grace does not say, however, “I will continually pour here. I will run myself ragged trying to make you return my attention. I will exhaust myself trying to be what you want and I will allow myself to continually be hurt in this relationships in the hopes you reciprocate and I will refuse to release this.” 

We’ve got to stop expecting people to be someone they’re not and we’ve got to stop expecting people to give what they cannot give. 

Friendships (or any relationship for that matter) don’t survive if they aren’t reciprocal. They won’t always be 50/50. We all go through seasons where we need to be carried and we all go through season of “can’t,” but when you take a step back and look at the big picture, things should be pretty even—a give and a take. Two people walking towards each other. 

If it’s not, instead of being bitter, instead of holding offense (and believe me I know this is hard) move on. I don’t mean have a big break up, I don’t mean get really mad and give them a piece of your mind, I mean take all that intentionality you’re giving them and invest it elsewhere. 

You are a treasure, your friendship is a treasure. You can expect more out of friendship- you should expect more out of friendship, but not from the person who has already shown you they can’t or won’t. Does that makes sense? 

If you have a friend in your life who is constantly disappointing you, my friend, it’s time to release your expectations. If you need something they can’t give, then start investing in new friendships. It’s not disloyal, it’s healthy. 

They’re probably doing the best they can and if that’s not the kind of friendship you’re looking for, I promise, it’s alright. You are allowed to want good for them AND know that your heart and mind won’t remain in a good place if you stay in the friendship. You’re allowed to take a step back, but there’s no need to kick them with your free foot. Grace takes a step back with gentleness and humility. 

Find a plant that’s ready to grow and stop standing there being disappointed at a dried up rose that isn’t capable of blossoming right in this moment. Move on, but please never stop handing out grace. The world would be better with more gracious souls, and dear one, your own heart would be better with a gracious soul too. 

You can have boundaries and have grace. 

You can honor yourself as well as your needs and have grace. 

You can take a step back and have grace. 

You can start new friendships and still hold onto grace for the ones you had before. 

Release your expectations, give grace, and move on when you need to. Grace is healthy. Lopsided friendships are not. 

Love 

Amy & Jess

Why not you?

1.If you do not reciprocate the effort I put into our interactions,  then it is only fair for me to retract and share less. 

*2. I will not give anyone the power to control my emotions. I have and will keep that power to myself and that also means I can say no, anytime I want to.

3. My support system is who I depend upon. They are the ones I bank upon.

4. I cannot depend and trust you to stand up for me.

5. If I talk or dont, nothing makes any difference to you. So why should you make any difference to me? U accept status quo, don't take initiative, question your worth. That is a loser attitude, which I do not buy into.

*6. Detach

7. I cannot deal with the way you are. But I cannot shape you the way I want you to be.

8. A healthy relationship includes uncomfortable conversations.

9. You cannot expect me to do things for you.

Notes to Self

1. You cannot control other people's behavior. You can control yours.

2. Accept the fact that, people change and behave per their perceptions and understanding. 

3. If people choose not to say anything, let them. Keep yourself busy.

Everyone is different

From FB:

Here’s the truth: 

You can be a really good friend, and still not be liked. You can hold someone dear and still not be valued. You can say all the right things, and still have someone twist your words, brush off your words, or worse—use your words against you. You can give it your absolute best, and still have it not work out. 

You can be pure as humanly possible, and still be painted as the bad guy. 

After years of work, these are some things I’ve learned: 

1. You can’t control other people. Not even in the slightest, and it is a complete waste to ever assume you can. It will make you angry, and exhausted, and chasing something you don’t have a chance to catch, so switch gears and control you. Control your mouth. Control how you treat people. Control your attitude. Guard your heart, and keep it genuine. Keep showing up, and let that be enough. 

2. Other people aren’t you. They don’t think like you, or feel like you. Their experiences belong to them alone. They approach situations differently, and their outlook is nothing like yours. Don’t expect them to handle things exactly like you do. They aren’t you. They’re them. Do your best to love them for it. 

3. Some people are never going to like you, and there isn’t necessarily and a rhyme or reason. Your life will improve significantly as soon as you learn this. 

4. Sometimes you’re actually the bad guy. Sometimes you’re the one acting foolish. Sometimes you’re the one with the toxic trait or two. Check your own heart. Clean out the junk, and grow from it. Apologize, and now that you’ve learned—take that wisdom, do better next time, stay humble, and give others an awful lot of grace along the way. 

5. There is a purpose to it all. There is beauty everywhere. That failed friendship will teach you how to do the next one better. That heartache will remind you to be gentle with other people. That loneliness will help you appreciate connection when you do find it—and you will find it. Not every season lasts forever, but every season does produce something precious eventually, even if it’s just a fresh perspective. 

So sleep well, my dear friend. 

Life is a long series of letting some things go and holding others close—a catch and release sort of cycle. Let go of needing approval. Let go of bitterness, and resentment, and any of that junk. Let go of insecurity. Let go of guilt. It will keep you shackled like nothing else. 

Hold close to your family and the people in your life who have stuck around. Hold close to your morals and your integrity. Hold close to your light and your joy and your hope. Hold close to today. Believe in tomorrow. Hold closest to love. At the end of the day, it’s all that really matters, and as long as you have it—you have more than enough.